Mostly true stuff…

I’ve performed in a Vegas saloon, a cut-throat New York club, the famed Comedy Nest in Montreal, and the Rivoli in Toronto. There have been gigs atop bars ‘Coyote Ugly’ style… jokes slung for the Hells Angels…and comic banter with drunken stockbrokers, pharmacists, teachers, computer techies, and, uh…the most evil of all – children.

But, tonight, I finally have my first genuine Headlining gig at Lafflines. I’m the main attraction. A woman – in a sea full of men. There are very few women in Vancouver’s comedy scene. As one comic said: “Bleh, females lack the balls to get up there themselves. It’s waaaay easier to be a groupie or a comic’s girlfriend – giggling away on the sidelines.”
(Or…something like that. I don’t know. He was hanging upside down…and slurring). 

THAT persona will never describe ME. So, I hit him over the head with a pool cue. Then, I ran home and danced alone to Foo Fighters’ ‘The Pretender’. (Note to self: Number #1-STOP hitting people with pool cues. Number #2-STOP carrying around a pool cue in your purse).

As a female actually ON the stage, I have to dance to the boys’ tune – but, without losing my femininity. It’s a fine balancing act, not unlike performing the Bolshoi Ballet’s ’Giselle’ while having a bullet removed from your spleen.

That’s why – getting a headlining gig means so very much.

I’ve been sharing the works of great writers and philosophers,

poets, and artists,

with my children.

One day, I hope their homes will swell with the joneses of their own musical, artistic, and literary tastes. My task is simply to open the door, expose, and nurture an appreciation. Whatever they choose to line their shelves with is their own. I just hope it bloody well includes comedy.

Last month, we feasted on Jonathan Swift, Robert Frost, and…Aerosmith (they’re partial to ‘Train kept a rollin’. For me, it’s ’Walk this way’). But, tonight, it was Hedberg on the Comedy Channel. Expletives were bleeped out, but, still…the unpolished gesticulations, the sliding twang, the raw vulnerability of a life simultaneously glorious and screwed…all of it was beautifully conveyed.

I relished watching my ten-year old Spencer’s mouth curl up, his eyes crinkle…”yeah, mom, rice – when you’re hungry, and you want to eat 2,000 of something!” His snicker at the club sandwich bit, and the phone operator’s ‘how can I direct your call?’, and, ‘fish needing to have good posture to be a fish stick,’… all of it wildly gratifying, sustaining.

Surprisingly, I heard a joke for the first time: “Sometimes I like to throw a toothpick in the forest and say – you’re home!” I thought I’d heard ALL of Mitch. So, this moment was somewhat akin to one of those later-life Beatles’ discoveries…like the recently unearthed, 14-minute ‘Carnival of Light’ recording. Only the Mitch piece was something you actually wanted to hear.

“Mom, what did you say this guy’s name was again?”

‘Mitch Hedberg.’

“Did he ever know how smart and funny he was?”

‘Maybe not, Spence.’

‘Maybe not.

For those of you who say: “How come you never promote your shows, Colleen?”

Here you go:

Tonight, you can catch me at Yuk Yuk’s

Century Plaza Hotel on Burrard St., 8:30 p.m.

I’ll be trying out some new material on Petcetera, parking, hamburgers, and more.

Hope you can make it.

Colleen gets another lesson in comedy education.

Tonight at the Vogue Theatre.

Louis CK.

 http://www.canada.com/vancouversun/news/entertainment/story.html?id=c97fa7ee-fbcb-4231-b428-477f272e8cce

I’m performing at the Kingston Tap House tonight.

755 Richards St., 9:00 p.m.

I truly have no idea what I will say.

There is the temptation to shred previous sets.

This should be interesting.