Mostly true stuff…

After Spain trounces Germany in triple overtime this Sunday, tune into ‘What’s so Funny?’ on CFRO Radio, 102.7 FM at 11:00 p.m.

Regular host, Guy MacPherson, is in Edmonton, so, I’m hosting the show in his absence. My guest this week is the writerly and spontaneously whip funny, Dr. Russ Kennedy. We’ll talk shop. We’ll banter. We’ll try to one-up each other. I like breaking into accents. He likes breaking into accents (my British accent is better). I’m quick on the comeback. He’s quick on the comeback. I do silly walks. He just walks silly. I’ll punch him in the arm, and rip bandaids off his chest (some fast, some excruciatingly slow). This happens whenever we’re together. Why not do it on air? (Have I mentioned he drinks like a jellyfish)? The purpose of the entire show is not ‘comedy’ but rather to persuade Dr. Russ to reveal the fine art of forging a Vicodin prescription. Join me.

George Carlin said it took him almost ten years before he found his true comedy persona. He let his hair grow long, added a beard, and embraced the counterculture of the late 60’s.

“I finally did the right thing, which was to get in touch with my own real voice, and that made me happy for the first time. None of that would have happened if I had remained imprisoned in a suit.”

Mr. Carlin, may you be buried in your beloved black T-shirt and jeans.

True to the end.

~

I always enjoy the ‘I Saw You’ personals in the Georgia Straight. A glance at the bus stop…a flirty smile at Starbucks….sex in the office’s stationery cupboard. Each ad oozes with people who briefly ‘connected’, but, due to shyness…or the boss opening the door in search of black, gel-ink pens (they’re smoother than the roller-ball ones)….never got a name. And, I started thinking: If….IF…a mysterious male admirer ever wrote an ‘I saw you’ ad about ME…he might write something like this:

I saw you – Thursday, June 19th, North Van, 8:30 a.m.

YOU – Shuffling towards me: Sponge Bob slippers, dirty pink housecoat slightly open to reveal oversized Zenyatta Mondatta T-shirt. Blonde hair pulled back into orange velvet scrunchie, pimple cream dotted on chin (and nose), teeth clenched on slice of raisin toast as you hurriedly dragged recycling box to the curb.

ME – Cross between Mickey Rourke & Harvey Keitel. I drove by you just seconds before. Our eyes met. Your gaze was urgent…beckoning. Yes, you did miss the pick-up – again. The rules prevent me from turning the truck around. But, I watched longingly as you grew smaller and smaller…only to realize later that night, it wasn’t that you were actually ’shrinking’…it was ‘cause I was driving away. (Note: Always remove lids before placing glass jars and bottles in bin).

Did we have a moment?

I hope so.
Because now, whenever I see garbage…

all I think of

is you.