Mostly true stuff…

Monday night…at Vancouver’s Steamworks Bar…I am to provide comic entertainment for 80 stockbrokers – or, as they’re also known: Financial Planners, Investment Advisors, Retirement Planners… (Holy, I know guys in the Witness Protection Program who have fewer names than these people).

Coincidence? I think not.

So, I’ve been doing my financial homework (which is good because I’ve now finally completed a latent Grade 12 math assignment….the ‘old’ math…’modern abacus abstracts’). I’m reading and researching for tomorrow night, all so that I can talk their talk. Walk their walk (actually, their ‘walk’ happens to be to their 2007 Mercedes CLS Class).

Best part is…the drinks will be free: All Screwdrivers – courtesy of ENRON, B-52’s sponsored by Bombardier, and….thanks to Conrad Black….all you can drink, Tequila Slammers.

 Buy. Buy.

The Police have left a defining musical footprint on my childhood. When they announced Vancouver would be the initial stop on their reunion tour, I knew I had to be there when the first chords of Roxanne wailed into GM Place.

Mobilization time: I persuade two (less enthusiastic) friends to join me. They will also fortify the online army in battling the power that is TicketMaster. Acquiring tickets in this frenzy will be a science – not unlike that of a fetal pig dissection.

D-Day: 10:00 a.m. Tickets are released online.
I request three. The deathly words ‘no available seats’ spew DebbieGibsonesque spittle in my face. I will NOT be beaten by the masses of pseudo Police fans. Bodily organs rotate on their axis as this musical dance repeats. Delirious, and with an ironclad, Stalinist determination, I persevere. I refuse to be conquered by technology. I refuse to miss this concert. I refuse to do my part to combat global warming if TicketMaster denies me my rightful place.

Battle fatigue sets in.

It is 10:06 a.m.

Finally….

Colleen A. Brow triumphs.

$108.75

One seat.

Top balcony.

Behind the stage.

So, TicketMaster……who’s laughing now?

“The world is getting more and more stupider.”

                                          (Vancouver Comic, Rob Kraft)

 

 

This past week….

Comedy as a Collective
Creative joke scribes Jimmy Barnes and Ian Burns conspired to re-jig one of my punchlines. It’s a simple twist that enhances my current punch. Nice. I’ll try it at Yuk’s next week. I love it when fellow comedians, or any artists, can brainstorm images, words, gestures – all with one selfless goal: To produce comedic art. No ego at stake here – just a pure love of comedy.

Edible Butter Dishes
I learned that rice cakes are simply an excuse to eat butter.

The Bearable Lightness of Being – Impractical
My family and I have finished unpacking the last of our moving boxes. We were in need/want of two items:
1) A microwave.
2) A pool table.
We had time/resources/funds to purchase just one.

Tonight…..

It’s my turn to break.
You should see me bank a shot.